Cookin N Fiends
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 Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!

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justanidiot
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Mon 05 Oct 2009, 4:55 pm

How I learned to mind my own business - myob

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day

And all the patients were chanting, '13....13....13.'

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on.....
Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started chanting '14.....14....14'...

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natureboi

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 5:09 pm

LMAO!
reminds me of the time i when i visited a friend who overdosed and his family sent him to the mental institution...
we were visiting and i reached up and scratched the corner of my nose,
well this deaf girl came over and walloped me a good one right in the side of the head across the ear.
no bullshit, the aids ran out and tackled her and hauled her off and the ward nurse came out and gave me a stern reprimand, i said wtf?
she said you are not welcome here if you're gonna instigate sex w/ the patients, i said excuse me? she said oh you know exactly what you said, i'm like what in the hell did i say? she said, you don't know sign language? well hell no i don't, and she said, that the girl was a deaf mute and you asked her to perform oral sex on you in sign language! true story but the the best thing about it when they were fighting w/ her her pajama bottoms came down they hit her w/ a tranquilizer shot and she friggn lost her bowels right there! good God it was hot
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natureboi

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 5:45 pm

heres a bad hair day for you guys to digest.....in northern califorina the wild fires were burning inland as usual and the firefighters were walking in the burned zone cking for hotspots and the found a body in full scuba gear w/ tanks and all, ofcourse the neoprene was melted. they thought what in the fuck? because of the draught going on they had to fly 60mi and get water outta the ocean it turns out this unfortunate fellow was diving off the coast and the helocopter that dips water w/ a big huge steel bucket w/ a bottom that opens, anyway you guessed it, this poor SOB is in the mighty pacific diving w/o a care in the world and all of the sudden he's in a huge bucket getting dumped on a wild fire lol, what are the chances of that happening? thats why i call it a bad hair day, plain and simple.......they did do an autopsy and discovered he was dead from the injuries received from the bucket.
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 5:49 pm

another interesting tidbit from alaska involving scuba tanks......
there was a gentleman arrested years ago for loitering in the tank of the womens outhouse at the campground w/ a video cam!
now this genious would be my hero but he got caught cause he wasn't happy w/ the show and decided to break out the flash light on this one filly and she wasn't amused in the slightest btw
hey did i mention this guy was an alaska state trooper?
ofcourse the shithouse poet that i am, i don't leave an outhouse w/o writing "here i sit upon the pooper, i just gave birth to a another state trooper" i read that the same thing happened in texas too, so i also write "here i sit, my cheeks a flexin, gettin ready to squirt out another texan" jocolor
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natureboi

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 5:58 pm

dang no rep points yet?
ok then i gotta keep posting jibberish, from the hip ofcourse, really the only true thing is the bad hair guy i made up the rest don't ya know
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 6:04 pm

so scratching the corner of the nose is asking for a blow job?

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natureboi

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 6:10 pm

evidently idiot, btw that really happened at alaska psychiatric institute
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 15 Oct 2009, 6:11 pm

yahoo i got a rep point Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Fri 16 Oct 2009, 4:11 pm

One for the ladies

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave most of the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?'

Now doesn't THAT makes more sense than all that crap about the rib?

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Fri 23 Oct 2009, 2:02 am

LMTO!!!!!!!!!!
lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 29 Oct 2009, 10:48 pm

damn idiot do i need to get on my cast iron boxers?
i thought this was a ball breaker free-zone
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Fri 23 Jul 2010, 2:23 pm

Dear Abby Stumped!

DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?

Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sun 01 Aug 2010, 11:18 am

whatever happend to Hotnsweet?
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justanidiot
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Mon 02 Aug 2010, 8:25 am

I think Facebook swallowed her up too.

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 05 Aug 2010, 5:40 am

you know facebook aint all that!!! you cant walk around topless or tease the guys....unless i am teasing Rex Hymen...he is cute Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 05 Aug 2010, 8:18 am

there are men that exist just to get teased lol

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Fri 06 Aug 2010, 6:05 am

so you say...but can they give as good as they can get???

besides some teasing is good to get...kind of builds to the anticipation

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Tue 04 Sep 2012, 3:37 pm

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday "I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs."

I said "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....",

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!"

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CookinNlookin
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Tue 30 Oct 2012, 7:35 am

I have nothing funny to share at this time! Wait...that in itself is kinda humorous huh Wink

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