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 Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!

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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 7:03 am

Grilling Remarks

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm going to fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 7:08 am

After the Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 7:40 am

OHHHHHHHHH I know all about a "grill" ass!!! LOL very funny Nina!!!!!

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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 8:18 am

Thanks Cookin I gotta find some funnier 1s + i wanna post funny pics as soon as i ask AI how 2 do it
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 8:18 am

A guy walks in a bar and sits next to a blonde. The 10:00 news is about to start and the leading story is about a man on the ledge of a building threatening to jump.

To strike up the conversation, the guy says to the blonde, "I bet you 20.00 he is gonna jump".

the blonds says, "OK, I'll take that bet"

As soon as she places her money on the bar the guy jumps.

She says, "Fair is fair, he jumped, you win."

The guy responds, "I gotta be truthful, I cant take your money, I saw that on the 5:00 news, so it's not fair to take your money."

The Blonde responds, "I saw that on the 5:00 news too, I just couldn't believe he would jump again."

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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 8:24 am

HAHAAaaa very funny... gotta love d blande jokes ...
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 8:51 am

That is funEEE

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 10:01 am

Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.

They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.

The next day the meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Wed 13 May 2009, 3:05 pm

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I be screamin' too STILL!!!!

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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 14 May 2009, 7:51 am

Request By Penis
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends and holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work at high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Dear Penis, After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following
reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You do no stay in you designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
4. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You are unable to work double shifts.
8. You don't always observe the necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
9. You will retire long before age 65.
10. And if that were not enough, you have constantly been seen entering the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management
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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 14 May 2009, 8:17 am

Gynecolgist Assistant
A young man goes into the Job Center in Wichita, Kansas , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more - "Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Houston, Texas. That's about 616 miles from here."

"Oh, is that where the job is?",

"No sir - that's where the end of the line is right now."

P.S. Let's hope Nature doesn't see this...LMAO
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 14 May 2009, 10:14 am

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Thu 14 May 2009, 10:17 am

part 2 attempt


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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Fri 15 May 2009, 1:51 am

ROTFLMT!!!!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Fri 15 May 2009, 7:14 am

WOW that kitty scared me.........Razz

FunEEEE stuff Nina!!!

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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 4:28 am

Male Bashing



Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 4:49 am

What Every Woman Wants

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.


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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 4:55 am

Buying Tampons

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"
The nine year old says, "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"


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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 4:58 am

Japanese Baby

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."

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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 5:00 am

CookinNlookin wrote:
WOW that kitty scared me.........Razz

FunEEEE stuff Nina!!!


Thanks Cookin... d kitty scared me 2
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 10:06 am

WOW Nine these are good........keep em' coming I am really LMAO Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 11:40 am

yes, thanks nina, cookin can use this excercise bounce

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Sat 16 May 2009, 12:40 pm

Yes my saggy ass is getting quite the work-out Wink

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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Mon 18 May 2009, 3:26 am

i LOVE the man jokes....tears rollin down my cheeks...girl keep it up lol!
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Sexy~Nina
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PostSubject: Re: Enter Here to Laugh Your Ass Off!!   Tue 19 May 2009, 3:56 am

Office Humor

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

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